I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize