Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
