You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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