there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
