im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize