it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
