Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
