i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
