Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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