i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
