OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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