Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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