I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come on in and take your pants off
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
