i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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