I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
