I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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