I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
