There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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