So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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