would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
