I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
