WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
