went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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