when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
