just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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