a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
