they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
