He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
