RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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