So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
