you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As shirtless as possible
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
