does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
