theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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