you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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