i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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