Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
