How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
