I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize