i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
