he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
