uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
