Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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