the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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