After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
