Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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