i love accidental penises.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
