she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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