sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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