i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
