After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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