just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
