I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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