Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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