i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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