So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
