You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
