in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
