this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
