here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
