If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
