there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
