That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
