is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
