If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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