Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
