I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
