Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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