Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's JV to your varsity
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
