i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And then he peed in my hair
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