Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
