If i come over, it means nothing
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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